You only see what you want to see.

I did it all, dear. I took every moment to forget, forgive and keep living... But you're knocking on hell's door, standing on its doorstep without being aware of it. You see, I will make you fall in love with me and you will give your all to me as long as i stay by your side. But little do you know, i'm a nomad and i did not come to stay. All i've got are intentions to leave. You will memorize every freckle of my body and when i'm gone you will start looking for them in somebody elses skin. So, listen carefully when i tell you that i'm not a trustworthy girl. I'm satan's daughter dressed in white. In your mind I will be what you'd like me to be, but when you get to know me, you'll see how you're playing with fire and it will be inevitable to burn. Please leave before it too late... And don't you play with beautiful demons and then ask why you're locked out of heaven.

Entonces, quién soy yo?

El aire me odia sin saber que soy yo quien le ha robado el sol... Me llamo la noche, & la luna algún día encontrará en mi la paz mayor....

Just a few words

Nonchalance, nonchalance. Thats what you're full of. Little does the world know that here i am, sitting on the edge of my bed. I shed the tears you never cried when you were 10 because you were too busy calming you little brothers cry. I whisper the words you never said to your parents because they were always too busy taking care of what didnt matter. In the car, I smoke in the taste of fresh air that you didn't breathe in when you were 13 because your parents only let you slide down the windows when the smell of cigarrettes wasn't that bad. The pain you give to me is the one your parents gave you: the kind of pain that burns deep inside your skin and it goes through your bones and it hurts, it hurts, it hurts. From a man who has lived so much, I would have expected a wiser soul, but i guess you still carry the burden and you let everybody around you burn when you let out the flames. I don't want to think you don't care about me, because i know you do... but please, stop comparing my pain to yours, after all... Pain is pain, no matter which one hurts the most.

SAD

i find it sad. 

sad that i was so close to love you, 

yet so far…

sad that i really wanted you

and you let me go…

sad that you let me fall…

but didn’t catch… 

Manuel

I found myself under a cotton candy sky 

Opened my eyes as i layed on the dirt 

and they shortly met the sun, or may i call the light of our entire solar system

I found myself calling my own name, 

trying to reach for the truth of my existence

put my hands down to touch and feel and know that i’m real

but only i found skin, a skin that may not be mine anymore

i found myself in the middle of a storm 

and the storm was pretty because it wasn’t destroying anything

instead, it was destroying me.

Called out my own name so many times 

until it was just the sound of a whisper that could not be understood

And then… I remembered your face. 

Brown eyes, dark hair and the most beautiful voice.

Felt weird. I craved you, just like i craved water in a desert.

Sat down, looked around and didn’t recognise this place. 

No way to reach you, nowhere to go.

Didn’t even know why I was there, but…  

I found myself under a cotton candy sky

and all I could remember was how much I wanted you back. 

AND

And i look at you, and you look at me, and we collide like universes, like meteor showers crash into the planets.

And i look away, and you look away too, and we take back all of the thoughts that haunted us one minute ago. 

And i think i want you, and i don’t know if you want me too, and for you to do is all i would pray for to a God that i don’t even believe in.

And i think i hate you, and i bet you hate me too, and i wish i could tell you that i don’t really hate you like you think.

And i think i love you, and i think you would if i gave you the chance, and i explain to myself that i hate you in the “i hate you because i love you” kind of way.

And i know it’s wrong, because i am with somebody else, and you know its wrong because you’re with someone else too

And i wonder if you prefer her, and you wonder if i prefer him, but we wouldn’t dare to ask each other because we might not like the answer.

And we know it’s dangerous, because it is. 

but we think it’s right, because we both feel the same way. 

COMETAS DE PAPEL

Se me hace la noche cortita, cuando la luna está así… Tan llena. 

Se enciende el fósforo en mi, se me calienta un lugar en el pecho, & la musa decide cantarle a la luna melodías con pinceles. Pinto las paredes de mi cuarto del color de mis vacíos, blanco. 

Hoy es la noche. Hoy voy a pintarme. Vacío acuarelas de todos los colores en el suelo, me arrodillo & pongo mis manos sobre ellas. Comienzo a trazar caminos en las paredes con mis dedos, llenando el vacío con colores. Mi dolor pintado en colores brillantes, mis vacíos llenados por mis manos. El algodón para el peluche, agua para el vaso, café para la taza, amor para mi alma. Voy rellenando el vacío que otros crearon, no dejaré que alguien más lo llene. Me toca enamorarme de mi. Sé que tienes cosas que decir… & no las tienes que callar. Ahora no te escucharé pero mientras tanto, envíame esos mensajes en cometas de papel. 

SO YOU HAVE A REBOUND

I feel the need to write about this situation, even after I promised myself that i wouldn’t dedicate you a single word no more: here i am, pouring my thoughts out because there’s things i didn’t say, and i don’t have to swallow them. 

You must have guts. You must have guts to walk away from me and all of the sudden have another girl by your side. I don’t think anything about her because as you may or may not know, i don’t know her. If anything, I pity her. I pity her because she’s beside a boy that makes promises he does not care to keep. I pity her because she might be soon getting the same scars that you left in my heart, or even worse, maybe you’ll break her heart for sure because maybe she won’t be as strong as i was to walk away when i thought i deserved better. I bet she’s going to have to tolerate your silence when you just had a fight and you know you were wrong but your pride is big enough to make you keep quiet instead of being a man and apologizing. I pity her because she doesn’t know how bad of a person you can be because you keep so much hatred inside of you. I pity her because she’s going to like it when you tell her “You’re mine” while you’re inside of her, or when she’s down on you. You will repeat that line so many times that she will believe it… but she’s going to hate it so much when you remind her those words when she’s trying to go out with her friends, and you demand that she has to ask for your permission. I pity her in so many ways, and i feel responsable for any pain that you cause her because I knew what it was like to fall in love with you before she did. but no, I won’t be the one who tells her to walk away from you. 

I bet you’re thinking that I’m a jealous bitch and that I want you back and thats why i’m writing this: well guess what! You’re totally wrong. I might just be a little offended of the way you walk in my house every now and then as if you still have a place on the dinner table to eat, as if you were still part of my life: and its sad because i can’t kick you out or treat you any differently because we both know our thing was secret. 

With me you couldn’t create any big physical history because i do not have any type of liberty to go around with you like lovers. I bet you got bored of waiting… and when you got manipulative or possessive, I was strong enough to stop you, and when you felt like you didn’t have any power over me, you left. I hope that she’s strong, I hope that she’s a feminist and knows how to stand up for herself even when she’s vulnerable and fears losing you: I hope she prefers losing you than losing herself. I also hope that your thing with her is genuine, that you actually fall in love with her, that you decide to change your many flaws because she inspires you to be a better person. I hope that you don’t mess her life up like you broke your ex’s life and heart. 

I also hope that you never ever come back into my life: which is pretty much impossible because you and I know that we’re in this loop that never ends and we keep coming back to each other. Well, today i decide that you will never ever watch me dedicating you a glance, a sentence, a word, a sigh. 

I am worried about this new girl, but not because you might fall in love with her… more because you’re a loose criminal and you’re going to keep breaking girls hearts as if you were creating a collection. 

I hope it goes great for you, little bastard. I might as well wish you luck since the ones who less deserve it always get lucky. 

CLOSE

It’s been long, today was a start… 

After being apart for so long, there we were now. 

Alone… in your fast car… 

But this time talking about stuff we used to never talk about. 

I know everything that I hate about you, 

but the reasons fade when we’re close. 

You know how to manipulate, 

you know how to pierce my soul, 

you know how to make me feel like i need your love. 

I go back home and try to clear my head…

Try to remember the reasons why I left, 

its almost like those eyes compel me to forget 

all of the things that i hate… 

And I hate that i don’t hate you when we’re close… 

actually, i think that’s when i love you the most.